Five Ways to Tell a Friendship has Turned Toxic



We’ve all been there.  At a time when once you were delighted to see a certain someone’s name light up your home screen, you find yourself suddenly hitting the “Ignore” button.  And while you used to anticipate the exchange of gossip and giggles, you are now filled with dread at the expectation of drama.  If this is you, your friendship is probably making you sick.  Here are five good ways to tell if it’s turned toxic:

5.) The Boyfriend has more say in your friendship than you do:  Remember those plans that you and your friend had for the movies?  Well you’re waiting outside of the AMC, Idris Elba has been on the screen shirtless for twenty minutes, and your friend is nowhere to be found.  You just got flaked on.  And worse, it’s because she’s occupied with her man. Being the understanding friend that you are, you’re sympathetic to her newfound infatuation.  We all get a little distracted when some much-needed testosterone enters our lives, but that’s no excuse to be inconsiderate.  If a friend is constantly giving you the shaft, so she can get some shaft, then it might be time to chuck up your deuces.  The least you can get is a text message to cancel, but part of being a good friend is balancing your time between your man and your girls.

4.) It Becomes Stunted: It’s great to have a routine: Drinks at the local dive bar on Friday nights, shopping for stilettos the last Sunday of every month, or even the very necessary weekly mani/pedi.  But any healthy relationship be it platonic or romantic is one of growth.  Many friendships end because the people involved end up growing apart.  The best friendships can survive dramatic changes, long distances and even personal revelations.  It’s not always about agreeing with each other’s decisions, but supporting one another along the way.  Lastly both people have to be willing to take chances and be open-minded.  If you find that a friend just isn’t willing to even consider trying anything new, or supporting your desire to do so, it may be a sign to leave them behind.

3.) It’s Completely Based on Competition:  Anything you can do, she can do better…or at least she has to try.  If you aim to be manager of the department, she’ll try to be president of the board.  You really like that new Christian Dior silk wool dress, she’s going to buy the whole fall collection.  This is one of my personal fav’s.  I happen to think that friendships should be completely null and void of competition.  Friendly rivalries usually turn into anything but. If your friend is constantly occupied with outshining you, you may need to find a different cast member.  There’s room for everyone in the spotlight, and any self-assured women can confidently support her girl’s moment in the sun.  Being constantly concerned with competition eliminates the authenticity of the friendship.  I remember once being afraid to share any of my accomplishments or even purchases because I knew my friend would run off and try to find a way to top me.  Once again friendship is something of equal balance.  It’s not a Broadway show and there are no fans or superstars.

2.) It Becomes Inconvenient for You: It’s 2 AM and you have to be up by 7:30 AM to conquer a day of meetings, presentations all tied up by an evening spinning class at the gym.  But your friend just found some naked pictures in her man’s cell phone and they are not of her.  Even better, they’re of his best friend, Montell.  She needs to vent; you need to sleep.  But if this is an occassional occurrence, this is not what I’m referring to.  A good friend realizes that you have a life too, and that the world will not come spinning to a fiery crash although her world may be chaos. If you have a friend that outright demands you to drop everything to rescue her, then maybe it’s time she figure out how to save herself.

1.) You Can’t Be Yourself: Anyone who knows me, knows that sugar coating and shooting the shit isn’t a specialty of mine.  I have pretty scathing tongue, but usually the best of intentions.  We all have something whether it be a sharp tongue, a lazy streak, or an insanely annoying penchant for perverted jokes.  But any friend who is willing to make a commitment should know what they are signing up for.  If you find yourself making changes to your core personality just to have someone to hang out with you either need to re-evaluate yourself, or find someone who enjoys dirty jokes right along with you.  A true friend acknowledges,embraces and respects you…exactly the way you are.


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