Are You Marrying Your Father or Your Best Friend?

I don’t want to feel like my blog is on a bashing the Sister,Sister twins binge.  But if there is one thing reality shows can do is change the way you look at your favorite celebs; either you end up loving them even more or you quickly learn that they’re kind of annoying.  Although any one with working pupils can tell that the “nanny cam” shenanigans and emotional therapy sessions are clearly edited for our entertainment, you do get to see some parts of twin’s personality that didn’t always come shining through on their sitcom or even on their cheesy Disney Channel specials.  Tia and Tamera shows a grown up side of the girls complete with their drastically different career paths, relationship choices and ideas about building a family and balancing it all.

Every sunflower-hat topped teen in the 90’s had a favorite twin and mine was Tamera.  On the show she was rebellious, funky and fun and if you weren’t making the grades like Tia there was comfort a young girl could find in the crazy, creative Tamera who was confident in breaking the rules and not caring about anyone’s opinion.  Little did I know at the time that the two were actually instructed to adopt the other’s personality for the show as a testament to their acting skills.  They surely had me fooled, because it becomes extremely clear through their reality show that Tia is a little bit more “around the way girl” and Tamera is still struggling to find where she fits in a world of wine and cheese.

Last night’s episode I found a bit hard to digest, and I’ve been noticing more and more that I can only take Tamera in small doses.  She overanalyzes everything and just seems generally insecure about her purpose in life.  It seems as if Tia is the trailblazer: Marrying her best friend, balancing a baby and a marriage, and landing some stellar roles in the past few years that have proven that she can break the Disney bubble into a mature, dramatic actress.  Tamera’s path in life seems to be a little more meandering.  Last season we were left with a newlywed who really wanted to prove to the public she was more than cute and quirky.  Her auditions and classes prove that there was some talent there some where, she just had to be brave enough to bring it forward. Suddenly season two came and it seems that all Tamera had was baby on the brain, developed a passion for peddling wine and couldn’t choose a couch without asking for “Housely’s” approval.

There’s just something about that relationship that doesn’t fit right with me. I guess Tamera and Adam are just doing them; she’s clearly submissive and doesn’t feel comfortable making decisions without first consulting her husband.  But there are things that Tamera blurts out that really make me wonder did she marry her best friend of her father.  On a recent episode where the couple take a trip to Africa accompanied by the ever clever cousin Jerome, Tamera couldn’t seem to define anything she was doing without her husband.  “I want to do charity because you know Adam thinkis it’s important to give back.” “I’m only going to get in this shark cage because I don’t want to disappoint Adam by not facing my fears.” “I think we should wait to tell friends and family about the pregnancy since Tia waited blah blah blah…”  I want to tell Tamera to have 3 seats and finally do something because it’s what she wants to do, not because Adam will approve or because it worked out for Tia.

It seems like the Mowry-Housely marriage is built on pep talks by Coach Adam for Tamera to be more confident.  Where he seems content and clear about his place in the world, Tamera seems to define herself by his interests and a need to consult him about every decision.  I hate to compare, but Tia and husband Corey seem to function well independently and it seems they have fun together because they both are confident in what they bring to the relationship.  Tamera always seems to question and second guess herself.

I just don’t get it, and based on the kind of person I am I probably never will.  Maybe my frustration with how Tamera’s marriage is portrayed is my failure to understand it.  I’m not married yet, but my life will not be defined by my husband. I don’t think a special set of rules about no calls after 10 pm and magically becoming domestic come into play after you say “I do”.  If you’re relationship doesn’t include basic levels of respect, a willingness to compromise and being confident about who you are besides a wife and mother before he puts a ring on it, then you have problems that marriage and a baby can’t solve (and it’s not fair to expect them to).  Marriage to me is about compromising to make each other more comfortable, but not sacrificing your own comfort to do so.Marriage is about being a team player, but functioning independently if necessary.  While you’re life may dramatically change, it doesn’t mean you should.

On Tamera’s best day she truly is a sweetheart.  She’s supportive, caring and truly commits herself to her family.  My only wish is that we see a little more of Tamera committing to herself in season three and following her heart without being influenced by anyone else.  As proven by her recent blog she may very well be beginning to learn the most important opinion in her life is her own, “My OB/GYN did say that as your pregnancy progresses, you will tend to sift out all outside advice and find yourself worrying less. I’ve found this to be true. Now don’t get me wrong, I still worry about my pregnancy, but not half as much I did before. I’ve gotten to this point by doing research of my OWN and just plainly standing still and looking within.”

To read more about Tamera’s pregnancy epiphanies and finding her OWN voice visit her blog:



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