How Crew Love Will Get You Left Alone

Source: MadameNoire.com

I have a friend who has a hard time talking to men.  In fact, if Facebook and Instagram completely shut down tomorrow she very well may have no interaction ever again with the opposite sex.  Every time we talk about how she can let a guy know that she’s into him, it brings up painful memories for me of trying to get a guy’s attention in ninth grade.  Should I leave a note (So he can have proof of you playing yourself)? Send a message through a friend (So he can decide he was way more into her bold, fast ass than her friend who took the long way to fourth period just to walk past him and not say anything)? I could do the lingering eye-contact thingy (And try not to seem like a stalker with a staring problem). Luckily I avoided most of the over-analyzing and insecurity that came with the freshman flirt game.  See. In high school something happened (no I didn’t get a donkey behind or D-Cups) but for whatever reason, boys started to be the ones breaking a sweat to speak to me.

Since ninth grade I’ve grown into a pretty outspoken person.  In fact through trying to encourage my friend to get from behind her cell phone and actually make some eye contact with someone I realized to my surprise that I don’t really actually flirt with guys.  After the sexy come-hither stare I skip right pass throwing my hair back, biting my lip and asking, “Do you want to hang out sometime?” to “I’m feeling you. Do you feel the same way?”  I’m not good with indirectness.  Life is too short for me to be consulting Cosmo on clever ways on how to get a man to answer questions I never ask when I can just well…ask them.

I say all this to say that the way I meet guys has a lot to do with my lack of flirting skills as well.  I realized that the last three serious partners I’ve had, I’ve met through a friend of a friend.  If you don’t have hips like Beyonce’ or a personality like Rihanna the next best thing you can do is put yourself in a good position to meet a man, even if you don’t have any intentions on actually making the first move.  One of the best ways you can do this is keeping some close male friends (without actually being one of the guys).

Let’s get to the point:  I’ve had great luck meeting men through guy friends who wanted me for themselves that I placed in the “friend category”.  See when you meet a guy that has a crew of friends, there’s good odds that you’ll be attracted to one of them.  The problem most chicks have is that they try to sample each crew member until they find one that’s a good fit which usually leaves them lonely with a skanky reputation. You have to proceed with extreme caution when pursuing the friend of someone you once dated (or slept with).  One false move can have you looking like a hoe, and the crew look like King Leonidas and his team of Spartans.  If you’ve decided you like his friend a little bit better, take heed of the following:

1.  Guys talk…in graphic detail.

When it comes to kissing and telling, best believe men get down dirtier with the details than we do.  The only thing that has serious impact on this is when a man has decided he wants to wife you, then suddenly you become respectable and any comments about your ass get checked from the door.  But otherwise, before anything becomes confirmed, expect them to trade stories about what bodily fluids landed where, every dimple or stretch mark in your ass, and how your nose flares when you’re about to cum (And if Guy #1 has told these stories before, it’s probably why Guy #2 became interested in the first place.)  If you believe in what your pursuing with his boy you’ll have to handle the occasional joke and moments of muffled laughter in the background when you call him.

2.  If it goes sour, they’ll still be friends and ragging on you will become a past time like poker or playing Madden on 360. 

We women are the only idiots that shut down friendships from the days of double-dutch and kiddie perms over dick.  After men bone the same chick and shit goes south, they go to the titty bar and end the night watching Kevin Hart and smoking weed like shit hasn’t happened.  Because truthfully there are certain things that shouldn’t get in the way of real friendships, and those things include shiftless, trifling women and men. No man wants to feel like everyone had had a piece of his chick, especially his boys. So if you’re causing too much unnecessary drama, instead of disrupting their group, they’ll eliminate the problem.  They’re not going to be sitting around talking about how much of a cool chick you are, instead they’ll bond over the fact that they all ran through you like a Checker’s drive-thru.

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