There’s a dangerous epidemic hitting black women across the country that’s been put into play for some time now: Fat women masquerading themselves as “thick”. Now before I get the “this bitter skinny bitch” backlash, let me attempt to be perfectly clear: I acknowledge there are plenty of beautiful, sexy, big women in this world, but as far as I know when it comes to the definition of thick there’s a point when a woman goes one chicken cheese steak past Amber Rose and straight into Precious territory. The truth is if you are battling high blood pressure and diabetes, have to lift your stomach to “trim the hedges” and have wings that Popeye’s Louisiana Fast has nothing on, then you’re probably seeing a Weight Watchers endorsement before an Outkast video in your future.
Let’s just call a spade a spade. I remember a phase when I referred to my “big forehead” as a glamorous Tyra Bank’s inspired “high hairline”. But the truth is I have a big ass head. On a scale of one to ten, I’m about a Rihanna and on really self-conscious days I swear you can see my thoughts scroll across it like the Nasdaq stock ticker. Sometimes I want to dive into life head first with my forehead loud and proud and other days I wear my beret a little bit lower or let some blunt bangs hang over it like vertical blinds. In any case, if I can own up to my Imax forehead, I think those questioning where their curves fall on the thickness scale need to be more honest about their choice of adjectives.