Put Your Cape Away: Being “The Friend” Won’t Get You Grandfathered Into a Relationship

Source: ColoringForGrownUps.com

Respect is a big thing to me in relationships.  I can think you’re the sweetest person in the world, but if I lose respect for you it becomes difficult for me to take you seriously. Here are some common reasons I’ve lost respect for people in the past:

1. You allow yourself to be a doormat:  Everybody plays the fool…sometimes.  But if you find yourself supervisor on duty of Suckavilla every time, then I no longer feel sorry for you and I can’t blame the leeches you repeatedly make it so easy for.

2. You can’t admit when you’re wrong or don’t know something:  Admittedly Google can resemble organic chemistry if it catches you on a bad day.  But I just had a supervisor take almost a week trouble shooting Google accounts and permission settings just because she refused to listen to me when I told her what the problem was. Eventually she tried my solution as a last ditch effort. Of course it worked and two seconds later she was taking credit for it and suddenly became an expert.  Here’s some advice:  If you’re a clueless about something, you’re not fooling any one; I don’t care how cool, cute or old you are.  You look like way less of an asshole when you just ask for help.

3. You lie about anything and everything just for the sake of lying:  I can’t respect this because when you tell lies, not just lies but bad lies that fall apart like Big Lots bedroom furniture it sends a message that you don’t think I’m smart enough to notice.   I am not a polite person, if I catch you in a lie I will violate you with sarcasm and passive aggression as you struggle through the mess you created.

This is all to say that the main reason friend-zoning doesn’t bypass you into boyfriend material is because the girl ends up not respecting  you enough to place you in that category.  You can comfort yourself with ideas like this:

Source: Someecards.com

But the truth is girls don’t actively seek the biggest dick in the room because they have a fetish for being mistreated and disrespected, it’s because we know the “dick” in the room won’t take any bullshit off his girl or anyone else for that matter and honestly, sometimes girls need someone who is going to tell them to fall back and get their shit together.  Not someone who is going to fly in on their cape and justify and excuse dimwitted behavior.  It’s not just about being attracted to swag or whatever you want to call it, it’s because the “dick” demands respect.

I’ve had this male friend for the longest time. I call him a band-aid.  We seem to only grow close when I’m in between relationships and he’s there to help heal my wounded heart until I’m ready to jump in and date the next jerk.  Even when I had one eyebrow penciled in and mascara running, he didn’t hesitate to tell me how beautiful I am.  I think everyone needs a band-aid in their life, but the problem with band-aids is that they don’t help you grow and eventually you need someone to tell you the ugly truth so you can work on improving to be a better person and make better decisions.


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