If you don’t know who Chelsea Fagan is, Google her now. She’s the main reason I visit Thought Catalog. In order to appreciate the retaliation of this piece you have to read the “Anonymous Post” first that her rebuttal is dedicated to. It basically says girls with nipple rings who wear club dresses and heels aren’t sexy. Because of course men always are like, “Your nipple rings? Yeah, they’re making my dick limp.”
1. Wear tight muscle shirts.
No one wants to see your hard bro titties. No one wants to see your biceps struggling against your Baby Gap shirt while you wait in line for your Jack and Cokes at the No Toilet Paper Or Unscratched Mirror Dive Bar. No one wants to see your rock-hard nipples fight against the air conditioning and cut up our precious skin when we dance next to you. Muscle shirts have never been sexy (and that goes double for the wifebeaters with the inexplicable three-foot long arm holes), so please stop trying to look like the frat boy who stayed a few hours too long at the house party.
2. Gel their hair.
There is no look I enjoy more on a man than that of crunchy, crispy, oily-looking-yet-hard hair. If it’s used to feebly offset an ever-expanding bald…
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