If you’ve never cheated or been cheated on (or at least caught someone cheating on you) you may believe that a relationship can never come back from infidelity. But a young Sean Carter once encouraged us to, “Have an affair, act like an adult for once,” and I’m beginning to believe he has a point. As I turn more and more into a grown up, I’m beginning to learn that what I think I know about relationships is constantly changing and that even my own life takes every opportunity to prove to me I’m only as wise as my last relationship. At the very best all we can ever hope to be are experts at our own lives and hope that other people’s experiences mimic it so that maybe they can avoid an STI or a restraining order based on our mistakes.
Relationships aren’t ever as black and white as we’d like them to be. They are an unpredictable, intense cyclone of grey; think 1996’s Twister. I don’t think that everyone cheats, but I don’t think everyone that does is a bad person. I don’t believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater” bullshit either. What I do think is that infidelity is almost always a symptom of something lacking in the relationship or in the offender. Sometimes that cheater is feeling neglected and needs attention which is more emotional, but sometimes you just want to see if the reality of your legs dangling over the shoulders of that 50 Cent look-alike from the mail room can live up to your fantasy of multiple orgasms over the postage paid pile. Although we have the mental capacity to make rational decisions, at the end of the day on some primal level we are just like those Rottweilers that meet in the park, sniff each other’s butts and proceed to humping.
Cheating happens, in fact right now someone somewhere is breaking into their man’s phone and finding a text message that reads, “I can’t wait for you to tear this pussy up again.” I’ve cheated in the past and I’ve been cheated on. In fact my ex made a sex tape documenting his infidelity which I ultimately discovered while he was going to get BBQ chicken pizza (Fellas, if you leave a girl in your apartment alone the question is not if she’ll snoop, but how much of your internet history she’ll get through). But you know what? I lived through it and you can move past infidelity if you take heed to the following do’s and don’ts. Being cheated on doesn’t confirm that anything is wrong with you, but how you deal with it does.