Ever since I got engaged in July whenever someone asks me have we picked a date I jokingly respond, “You mean if I don’t kill him first?” But on Christmas Eve for at least 5 seconds I really wanted to choke slam the shit out of my fiancé. I visually imagined stabbing him in his neck with a Gel roller pen in the cup holder of his truck and rolling his gurgling body over the edge of I-76 West. And it all started with an argument over how tacky I believe it is to only feed some of the people that you invite to your wedding ceremony. This man seriously wants to walk out of our wedding and tell half of our guests we’ll catch them later while we take the others to eat because he doesn’t want to blow the budget.
I’ve calmed down since then, but I owe a sincere apology to all of those people I felt took wedding planning too seriously before I became someone’s fiancé. What no one ever tells you is that wedding planning is not just about venues, flowers and wedding websites. It’s about finding a middle ground between values that you’ve been raised with. It’s about bushwhacking through the agressive opinions of family members and friends. It’s about being honest about your style as a couple and sticking together because at the end of the day you’re the only one that has to deal with the smell he leaves in the bathroom after Taco Bell.
So if you’re planning a wedding and you ever find yourself at a point where attempted murder charges dim in comparison to spending another day arguing over chair sashes, remind yourself of the following: