You’re Sexy, We Get It, Now Put Some Damn Clothes On: Why Do Celebrity Moms Feel The Need To Remind Us They’re Sexy?

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock without a Wi-Fi connection, you may be aware that last weekend Amber Rose succeeded where Kim K. could not in breaking the internet. To the baldheaded beast’s credit she at least wasn’t completely naked and covered just enough lady parts with a few stingy pieces of fabric so that she COULD in fact post on Instagram. And let’s just get this clear, like her ex Wiz Khalifa stated: Yes, Amber Rose is fine as fuck. But we knew that already. The blonde bombshell could rock an Old Navy hoodie and some Adidas flops and still make jaws drop. What troubles me, especially now that I am someone’s mother is the need for these women to constantly remind us that they’re sexy and that most of the time “sexy” equals Instagram posts where their asses are more easily identifiable than their faces. I’m all about owning your sexuality and moms not feeling like they have to choose between being sexy and being a soccer mom, but it gets to the point where it’s like: We get it. Now what else do you do?

On Wednesday, HelloBeautiful’s Shamika Sanders posted “Haters Blast Amber Rose’s G-Stringy Bathing Suit & We’re Like Chill, Moms Can Be Sexy Too” , a piece that gave Amber props for putting her body parts on display for the Gram:

“If we had a body like Amber’s after giving birth to a child, you’re damn right we’d show it off too.”

Yeah…about that. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant and one of my major concerns besides squeezing a watermelon out of a lemon wedge was my ability to be a hot mom or MILF afterwards. So even now after I’ve escaped childbirth with a body that looks surprisingly similar to the one I had pre-baby, I think how silly it was for that to be one of my top priorities. I’m all for being against double standards. The fact that Instagram banned the hashtag #EggplantFridays which merely showed appreciation for sweatpants and dick imprints but can let Amber’s booty cheeks parade on a balcony is absurd. When it comes to owning sexuality I think there’s a way to do it, and we shouldn’t necessarily be applauding how hypersexualized either gender is. There are other ways to own your sexuality or even be a sexy mom besides looking like you’re heading out to amateur night at Magic City.

I don’t dispute the fact that Amber is probably an awesome mom, and I don’t think we should be calling child services for her thottish choices in attire. I do take issue with the fact that in this day and age where info is so accessible, I wouldn’t want my child to do a Google search in the future to not just see me twerking it on a handstand, but also the comments that are invited because of it. You don’t have to instantly commit to a life of mini-vans and Birkenstocks when you become a mom, but you do have to consider that your choices could possibly reflect on a person that didn’t choose to be here. I had a guy friend once when I was about 12 or so whom the neighborhood boys nicknamed “Titty”. He was mortified because the name referred to his moms ample chest blessings, so I can only imagine what scars he would’ve carried into adulthood if his mom were pushing them thangs on the glass every two seconds via an internet connection.

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