11 Types Of People Present At ALL Office Meetings

Congratulations. You’ve made it to tax time, that special time of the year that makes you feel like you’ve actually accomplished something or reminds you that you’re the same loser you were the year before. The Turbo Tax commercial will question, “Did you get married? Did you have a child? Did you start a new job?” Luckily, with opportunity, a few over-achieving brain cells and at least two working limbs many of us may have been able to accomplish that last one. And depending on how long you’ve been at your job, you may be questioning how you fucked up in your last life to ever be forced to spend your days wrestling with copier toner and trying not to catch a case over too much micro-management and not enough espresso.

What I loved about the show “The Office” is how the characters were just caricatures of those we unfortunately encounter during the 9-5 every day and how much it makes you realize how most of us get paid to do work that really consists of dumb shit like arguing over Helvetica and Calibri font and what kind of pretzel dip to choose for the dreaded office meeting.

At some point you’ve been all of these people or maybe you worked your way right on up the ladder to Manager on Duty of Incompetence Inc.. But if you’re lucky you might be the super cool supervisor who makes everyone feel motivated and sponsors cool events like “Most Creative Use Of A Four Letter Expletive This Week”. Either way you’ll be entertained or be inspired to get your Jigsaw on choosing which co-worker you’d like to torture first in your very own Saw-like fantasy:

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Take A Load Off: 13 Things New Moms Need To Stop Feeling Guilty About

Pack your bags if you’re pregnant. Parenthood can seem like one long guilt trip where your flight keeps getting delayed and it starts from the moment you realize that no one literally has to go through you to get to your child. Elizabeth Stone wasn’t kidding when she wrote, “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”

From the delivery room to the dorm, you’ll find yourself questioning everything you do: “Oh God I had a turkey sandwich, will my baby come out with one eye? Should I get that Hep B vaccine? Bottlefeeding or breastfeeding? Does my child need to be better socialized? Can they have a Facebook page?” And you’ll begin to believe every decision will make the difference between your child becoming Steve Jobs or Stevie J.

I’m here to tell you to cut yourself a break. Parenting is less like an Algebra quiz and more like an open-ended question on a Sociology final. There’s no one correct answer and most of the time if you at least get within the ballpark of “right” your kid will be OK. And the good news is that if you even give half a damn about the list of questions above then there’s a good chance you’re doing a decent job at this parenting thing.

Last summer while in my second trimester, I found myself fearing everything from lunchmeat to my asthma inhaler because I didn’t want to harm my baby. And while you should definitely heed your doctor’s directions, there’s one important thing you should remember in regard to pregnancy: A happy, healthy mama= a happy, healthy baby. You shouldn’t be throwing back shots of Patron, but stop driving yourself crazy researching local pasteurization facilities and order the damn bleu cheese dressing. Here are 10 things you can be a little easier on yourself on since you ARE bringing life into the world (or already have) and that’s kind of a big deal:

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What Came First, The Manager or the Asshole?

When you’re climbing the career ladder in any field, you quickly learn that the higher you get, the less direct contact you have with the people you serve. This became a sobering reality to me as I made my way through the humbling world of non-profit work in positions were I worked as an educator to teens and young adults.

In 2008, I found myself fresh from college volunteering at the city’s main Planned Parenthood headquarters in The Gayborhood of Philadelphia. It was there I became fascinated with the sex educators. To me, they were the “cool kids”. While we coordinated schedules for canvassing on Broad Street or approached anxious patients asking them to donate to the cause while they waited for their annual exams, the sex educators would cascade in all worldly with their sex ed kits of full wooden penises and flavored lube. They’d tell graphic stories they heard in the classroom of the creative ways teens thought you could prevent pregnancy like douching with Coca Cola. It was then I knew I didn’t want a career that in any way resembled my senior internship where I spent most of my days looking at a computer screen drafting press releases about National Condom Week. I wanted to be the cool condom lady on some small liberal arts college campus making co-eds play Sex Ed Jeopardy at a health fair.

For the past 5 years of my career of I’ve been able to be in positions I love, educating and interacting directly with the young people’s lives I hope to make a difference in. But as I’ve grown with different organizations and witnessed all the budgeting, office politics and program planning that goes into making it possible to make change, it’s became abundantly clear: There’s something about management that brings out the asshole otherwise normal individuals. For me it’s nothing personal. As angsty and bitter as I may be coming off right now, it’s honestly just the business I’ve witnessed.

Or it might be that management positions attract assholes. I’m still undecided on how that works yet. I’m sorry if anybody with a management title takes offense to that, but there’s a reason why co-workers go to happy hour and complain about the boss and not the intern or administrative assistant. “Horrible Bosses” is a real thing and a majority of you guys really don’t have clue what the fuck you’re doing.

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What’s Everyone’s Issue With Iggy?

Did I miss something? Because it seems the hip-hop community is blaming Iggy Azalea for everything from the Holocaust to Jim Crow Laws and I don’t get it. Did she open a show in a white hooded sheet on a horse? Was there some racist tweet where she got a little lax with the n-word? Why have we decided that Iggy Azalea is a representative of “the man” and all the ways he has stolen from us and exploited our culture?

If it isn’t Snoop Dogg and Nicki Minaj diagnosing the “Black Widow” rapper with albinism, Jill Scott and Eve are saying her “blaccent” is nothing but a “big bite”. Damn, I forgot since Iggy is originally from Australia she should be tossing back Molsons and talking about “mates” and “dingos” in a VIP booth at Outback Steakhouse. C’mon folks, we can’t really be that same kind of close minded we’re accusing any white person who dares to rock some cornrows and freestyle over a bass heavy beat of.

If the British aren’t getting their crumpets in a bunch over Nicki Minaj’s Mary Poppins manslaughter of a British accent, I don’t understand why we’re getting in our feelings that Iggy wanted to add some hood twang to her tongue. It seems like as of late our culture feels the need to make these musical artists represent more than what they really do. Why did Beyonce’s last album have to be some ground breaking movement on feminism? Why couldn’t it just be something to turn up to when it’s time to make the headboard bang with your boo. And why is Iggy Azalea being vilified as a modern day slave master?Why can’t we just let the bitch rap? There are plenty of political and social change makers addressing these same issues. Maybe we need to turn from BET to CNN for five seconds and learn about some of them instead of trying to make these music artists multitask entertaining us AND changing the world.

I don’t know about you all, but when I did tune into the BET Awards I was tired of seeing Nicki Minaj in the same category as artists who hadn’t had a hit since Free and A.J. hosted 106 and Park. So when it seemed Iggy was giving Nicki some significant competition, it was refreshing. It reminded me of my high school days when you had Lil’ Kim, Foxy Brown, Ms. Jade AND Eve to name a few. It was proof that just like there’s Jay-Z, Nas, Ja-Rule there could be more than one female rapper killing it in hip-hop, and that more than one could be good at it. At that’s the whole thing, regardless of who writes her rhymes or is responsible for her image, she’s got a decent thing going. She’s gorgeous, she’s not painful to listen to, and “Beg For It” is my shit, actually. She’s doing everything that she’s supposed to so why are some critics making it their mission in life to discredit her?

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