20-Somethings Suck at Safe Sex, But We Can Fix That


I don’t usually re-blog, OK in fact this is probably a first for me. But there’s an inner sex-ed geek in me that loves being called “The Condom Lady”, the look on seventh-graders’ faces when they first see a picture of a genital wart, Guttenmacher statistics, or checking out the latest “Survey Says” Infographics from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

What I’m discovering more and more during my 9-5 working with teens is that many of my students could actually teach my peers a thing or two about safe sex and high-risk behaviors. I’ve had twenty-somethings tell me that you can’t get herpes through oral sex, that women urinate and have sex in the same hole and that you absolutely can get HIV from kissing. I don’t blame them. It’s not our fault, we’re just products of a time when the most Zack and Kelly did was French kiss in the back of the school on a very special episode of Saved By The Bell. Today’s youth have to deal with the cast of Pretty Little Liars losing their virginity one week at a time to murder suspects and English teachers.

In the following post, Shana Lebowitz makes a good point that today’s twenty-somethings pretty much suck at safe sex and that we’re never too old to learn how to put a Magnum on a banana. If you ever found yourself relying on “pulling out” for your fool-proof method, this one’s for you: 20-Somethings Suck at Safe Sex


Yeah, I’m Just Not Feeling It: 7 Celebs (and 3 Things) It Seems the Media Keep Trying to Make “Happen”

Source: IBTimes.com

There’s this funny thing that the media and news do where they try to make us give a fuck about something that ordinarily we wouldn’t give a second look.  Do I really care about the Royal Baby or do I only care because the Today Show has told me I should all week long?  If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how in the hell you know the words to Taylor Swift’s “22” or driving to Taco Bell at 3 AM because you saw this commercial too many times:

Then you know unfortunately this mind warping is usually pretty successful, but sometimes to add some balance to the universe, the media misses it’s mark and no matter how many millions they invest into making us believe something is a lot greater than it actually is, we just won’t buy it.  Here are a few examples of things that the media tried to make “happen” that just didn’t.

Put Your Cape Away: Being “The Friend” Won’t Get You Grandfathered Into a Relationship

Source: ColoringForGrownUps.com

Respect is a big thing to me in relationships.  I can think you’re the sweetest person in the world, but if I lose respect for you it becomes difficult for me to take you seriously. Here are some common reasons I’ve lost respect for people in the past:

1. You allow yourself to be a doormat:  Everybody plays the fool…sometimes.  But if you find yourself supervisor on duty of Suckavilla every time, then I no longer feel sorry for you and I can’t blame the leeches you repeatedly make it so easy for.

2. You can’t admit when you’re wrong or don’t know something:  Admittedly Google can resemble organic chemistry if it catches you on a bad day.  But I just had a supervisor take almost a week trouble shooting Google accounts and permission settings just because she refused to listen to me when I told her what the problem was. Eventually she tried my solution as a last ditch effort. Of course it worked and two seconds later she was taking credit for it and suddenly became an expert.  Here’s some advice:  If you’re a clueless about something, you’re not fooling any one; I don’t care how cool, cute or old you are.  You look like way less of an asshole when you just ask for help.

3. You lie about anything and everything just for the sake of lying:  I can’t respect this because when you tell lies, not just lies but bad lies that fall apart like Big Lots bedroom furniture it sends a message that you don’t think I’m smart enough to notice.   I am not a polite person, if I catch you in a lie I will violate you with sarcasm and passive aggression as you struggle through the mess you created.

This is all to say that the main reason friend-zoning doesn’t bypass you into boyfriend material is because the girl ends up not respecting  you enough to place you in that category.  You can comfort yourself with ideas like this:

Source: Someecards.com

But the truth is girls don’t actively seek the biggest dick in the room because they have a fetish for being mistreated and disrespected, it’s because we know the “dick” in the room won’t take any bullshit off his girl or anyone else for that matter and honestly, sometimes girls need someone who is going to tell them to fall back and get their shit together.  Not someone who is going to fly in on their cape and justify and excuse dimwitted behavior.  It’s not just about being attracted to swag or whatever you want to call it, it’s because the “dick” demands respect.

I’ve had this male friend for the longest time. I call him a band-aid.  We seem to only grow close when I’m in between relationships and he’s there to help heal my wounded heart until I’m ready to jump in and date the next jerk.  Even when I had one eyebrow penciled in and mascara running, he didn’t hesitate to tell me how beautiful I am.  I think everyone needs a band-aid in their life, but the problem with band-aids is that they don’t help you grow and eventually you need someone to tell you the ugly truth so you can work on improving to be a better person and make better decisions.

FanMail: Tyler Perry

Source: AlwaysAList.com

Dear Mr. Perry,

Since the days of “Do the Right Thing” the black community has waited for a movie Messiah in Hollywood that would turn water into wine by making straight to DVD classics resemble works the likes of John Singleton circa 90’s when black movie-making was filled with integrity and promise.  So congratulations, I think you’ve filled that role. I can’t help but respect your hustle. But a part of me feels like we’ve waited for blacks on the big screen in quality roles for so long that we can’t spot a flop when it falls before our eyes at 6’5” wearing a gray wig and screaming, “Call the Po Po, hoe!”

No I’m not about to go on a tirade about how the Madea film collection is actually coonery at it’s finest, because the truth is whether Madea is going to jail or Idris Elba is representing positive black fathers, Tyler Perry is doing something that Hollywood has failed to do for a long time: employing black actors and actresses.

I watched Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor the other night (warning some spoilers may follow, but if you don’t want to waste the $7.00 I did on Pay-Per-View, stick around).  Like many of your movies I felt the story was the best part of the movie, but it wasn’t very well casted and I know freshman theater majors that could write a better script.   Also in an attempt to spread a little social awareness once again you attempt to do the most in an hour and 30 minutes and fail miserably.  Between Temptations and the last Tyler Perry masterpiece I tuned into, Good Deeds, you’ve tackled homelessness, AIDS, drug addiction, high-risk lifestyles, love and infidelity.  I can’t begin to care about any of these issues if I can’t even tell if I’m watching a comedy, drama or a PSA.  And let’s not get started on the action-adventure that was Alex Cross. First off, we don’t believe you, you need more people. Second, the best film makers stay in their lane. The people like to know what their signing up for.  Steven Spielberg? Something phenomenal and ground breaking that will most likely refer to aliens. Tim Burton? Something creepy, gothic and animated but probably totally inappropriate for the kiddos. Quentin Tarantino? Violence, guns, murder and some kind of understated but profound comment on society buried beneath all of the blood.  Take notes, Ty.  You don’t have to be everything to everybody although the black community has nominated you Captain’ Save Em’ for the black film genre.  Choose what you love best and do it well.

So let’s tackle this casting problem.  You feature phenomenal actors in your films, but often place them in roles that don’t truly display their talents.  In Temptation I couldn’t even begin to believe Lance Gross in the role of a timid, humble pharmacist who didn’t even turn his head when his wife left the house at all hours to get her stilettos smoked by a guy who seemed to have landed in the wrong film.  I wanted Lance to switch roles with Robbie Jones who plays Harley, a rich man with an ego that could almost be sexy if you can get past what an unattractive cornball he is.  I’m sorry, Robbie but I wasn’t really believing that any woman would choose your ass over the chocolate-covered Sir Lance-A-Lot.

Then there’s this issue of setting the scene. This whole life of drugs, money and sex made sense at let’s say at Def Row Records, but to a therapist at an urban Match.com run by Vanessa Williams…yeah I wasn’t making the connection. Plus how are a therapist and a pharmacist living in a spot that made my on campus apartment look like the Senators Suite at Caesars Palace?  Once again, Mr. Perry, your staging is questionable.

I’m not exactly anxiously awaiting your next box office blockbuster, but some of your work has been fairly decent.  I enjoyed Why Did I Get Married? (the first one moreso before Janet went all ape shit crazy).  I feel like your best work is when you tackle a one or two topics per movie and tackle them well.  You don’t see Martin Scorcese trying to tell the story of the Italian mob, corrupt government and also the abandonment issues and resentment felt by their wives and children…and AIDS…and illiteracy….and  homosexuality all in one film.

For some reason I feel the black community assumes that any work that covers an issue other than drug addiction, the music industry, gangs and baby mamas and deadbeat daddies makes a poignant statement and is “good”, but  that’s not true.  Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever= good film. Spike Lee’s= Red Hook Summer= not so much.  Great messages, but if the presentation, script and casting aren’t there, they get lost.  They say those who can’t do, critique.  I’ve never written or directed a movie a day in my life so like I said much respect to the men and women making moves in that industry.  But I’mma need black women to stop running  back to work, school or to their friends talking about how “good” your movies are, because the truth is they’re about one star away from being straight-to-Netflix potential.  But thank you for giving the black community some work to believe in and making us at least feel enlightened and more socially aware.

Best wishes,


J. Cole Ain’t Worth Losing My Life: A Guide to Scoring Epic Concert Tickets and Surviving to Tweet About it

Psychologists say people report feeling happier when they spend their money on experiences rather than objects.  One of the most important goals on my 2013 vision board was to spend my money on experiences like concerts and traveling over wedge sneakers, skater dresses or Sephora lip glosses. I must say I’m reaching that goal with flying Crayola colors. I like to travel and I love music so it was relatively easy.  I got a passport and logged onto Ticketmaster and since the summer began I’ve scored tickets to Drake’s OVOFest in Toronto (some damn good seats if I must say so myself), got bitten by mosquitoes and chased by angry deer partying with my friends in the “naked woods” on Fire Island, almost lost my life twice trying to see J. Cole and scored tickets for Drake in Vegas. 2013 will be passports and airplanes, memories that will last my friends and I a lifetime and hopefully my first groupie experience with Drake or J. Cole that results in a future misogynistic song lyric inspired by me.  I’m just kidding…sort of.

With all this concert planning I’ve picked up on a few things.  Unless the planets are aligned, the pre-sale Gods are smiling on you and the weather holds out, a summer concert can go from this:

To this:

Having a good time requires some pretty strategic planning especially if you’re the kind of person who feels the need to shower in anti-bacterial gel if you even look at a picture of Woodstock.  I’ve learned a few lessons about how to have a good time at your next concert without walking away with an arrest record or a missing limb.  Here are a few things you’ll need:

Does Planning to See Your Ex Mean You Still Have Feelings For Them?

And by seeing, I don’t mean you randomly bump into them at the mall on the opening night of a Vin Diesel summer blockbuster. I mean intentionally making plans to have iced coffees and “catch up”. It’s one of those awkward situations that falls in relationship limbo. There are no easy answers and everyone involved walks away feeling a little unsure of where they stand.

About a year ago my ex and I finally got to a place where we could communicate candidly about our lives post break-up without anyone catching feelings or bringing up that good ole’ ammo we had in the “flaws I’m going to throw back in your face” arsenal. It’s an accomplishment since the more dramatic and intense a relationship is, the harder it is to go back to casual, friendly conversation where I can admit, “You know that completely gorgeous RN you were dating a few months back?  She’s good for you.”  Even better, those conversations are coming from a place of honesty and not just me trying to force how cool of an ex I am because I give new girlfriends my approval.  It’s a comfortable space, that most ex’s try to force immediately post break-up, but truly never get to.