Happy homes attract more snakes in the grass…slutty, insecure snakes with fake smiles. Good men are hard to find, but even if you have a trifling one he will encounter a female at some point or another who either has no respect for your relationship or gets her jollies off on trying to take what’s already taken. So you don’t end up like Kelly Price crying to Mr. Biggs on some “She was a Friend of Mine” type ish, open your eyes and ears to some clues that she’s making a move on your man:
1. She gets too friendly with you too fast.
Your man introduces you to his very close and very female friend and soon she’s trying to be your bestie. WARNING: She’s trying to throw you off her scent. Any normal female friend that has been around for what seems like forever, will keep a bit of distance and will be leery of your intentions if she is really worried about his well-being and not waiting for him to fall for her. An overzealous attempt to be your bestie by planning mani-pedi’s two minutes after you meet may be her trying to overcompensate for her feelings of rejection and forcing herself to believe she is really at peace with the fact that he’s checking for someone else. It’s like Pebbles warned us in her single Backyard, “You get suspicious when they call you their ‘girlfriend’ and you don’t know them really well.”
2. She always at his disposal.
She’s making him dinner, running errands and takes his momma to church as if she doesn’t have her own man to fulfill girlfriend duties for. Oh wait, she doesn’t because she’s plotting on yours. If your man has a friend like this, you have to question if she has respect for boundaries. Anyone with good intentions and common sense will respect when they have to fall back on the girlfriend responsibilities when there is an actual girlfriend around to do those things.
3. Beware of the line, “She’s like my little sister.”
So it’s my junior year of high school and I had just broken up with a guy who was pretty popular in the neighborhood. I’m walking down the street with a friend and I pass a group of drama hungry hood rats who at one time had been introduced to me by my ex-boyfriend as you guessed it: his little sisters. When we had first started dating these 3 girls would smile in my face and tell me how happy they were we were together. But something always seemed a little fake about them. I always suspected that their crush on him had been met with rejection so they settled for being fake family members. So I wasn’t surprised when these girls initiated a fight out of absolutely nowhere. You know the kind of fight you were waiting for to happen because you know a girl just doesn’t like you and is waiting for any minor slight as an excuse to fight you.
Usually women settle for being the honorary “sister” because they are hoping by being close to the guy and being his shoulder to cry on he will eventually wake up and realize he’s in love with her. Being a “little sister” is equivalent to a girl telling a guy “I just don’t look at you that way,” or “You’re like a brother to me.”
Does this mean all substitute siblings are trying to volunteer for some imitation incest? Not necessarily, but just keep in mind there are those who are settling for the “little sister” role hoping it will turn into romance who might feel like you’re stepping on their toes.
4. You make your personal issues public record.
If the neighbor’s know your man’s name, they also may be plotting to yell it themselves. As much as you may want to scream from the rooftops about the good man you’ve landed, you may have to sometimes stifle your excitement. I try not to discuss too much of my sex life with my friends. It’s not that I don’t trust them, but certain things should only be on a need to know basis. Too much information might breed a bit of curiosity that would otherwise not exist. You might want to stay mum about your multiple orgasms before your girlies want a sample for themselves. Be careful with the venting too. You might have a lot to get off your chest during your weekly wine session about how you’re tired of holding it down while he chasing dreams of being a rapper, but pointing out the weaknesses in your relationship will only give a girl with evil intentions material to use against you.
5. She’s either worshipping him or dogging him.
Got a girlfriend who’s constantly dogging your man for everything he does? She’ll comment on things she feels should bother you even though they actually don’t: “Why didn’t he call you back last night? Ummhmm, he was probably with what’s her name.” Even though you know damn well your man was sleep. Then there’s the other extreme; the friend you have that acts like his personal PR coach. She’ll tell other people about all of the great things he does for you before you even have a chance to and bring him up randomly so she can remind you how great of a man you have. WATCH THIS GROUPIE BROAD! She’s plotting. This is the same girl who will try to catch him on the sly and whisper in his ear, “She doesn’t appreciate you.” I’ve had one in my midst. Years after we had broken up an ex told me about a “friend” I had who would try to subliminally mention to him how I was a garden tool, every time I turned my back. The truth is a real friend will have your back even if you are doing your man dirty, because she’s YOUR friend, not his. If she’s breaking that code she’s only out for self. Usher said it best on his song, Echo: “Your girlfriend’s lovin the way I do what I do. I met her long ago and she’s mad cause now I’m with you.” If you trust that you’ve got a good thing, be leery of the girl whose always trying to find a reason to screw it up.
6. She has a point to prove.
Whether it’s low self-esteem, or the sick confidence she gets from “making” a man leave or cheat on his woman, you have to be leery of envious and insecure friends and associates. Your man will be just as much to blame for taking the bait, but let’s be honest: Women can be just as, if not more than shady, conniving and manipulative as men. My boyfriend and I just recently discussed the idea of wearing wedding rings. He suggested we get a little creative about the symbols we choose for our matrimonial bond since due to his line of work wearing a ring would be impractical (he does a lot of work with his hands). While I whined, “How will women know you’re married?” He replied, “I’ll tell them. But I hate to break it to you babe, that will probably just make them want me more.”
My motto has always been to never try to steal a woman’s man, because I would never want that done to me. But let’s be honest, some of these heffas have no shame. In fact for some women, stealing another woman’s man gives them some sick and twisted sense of power. But most of the time that power is vacant; if anything the man gets some new vagina and returns home to the relationship he truly wants to be in. Definitely makes him trifling too, but the woman who worked overtime to try to get a man who she knows was in a relationship is just as scandalous and has no respect for what a loving relationship is. She usually ends up just settling for being the side piece.
On the other hand the boyfriend explained to me that some women purposely pursue men in committed relationship because they’re “safe” meaning they get all of the perks of committed sex (no STD’s most likely) without the responsibilities of a committed relationship (he won’t be calling you all of the time or wanting to stay over and “cuddle” since he has a girl to get back to).
When you’ve got a good thing going, be cautious and peep game. Hip your man to it too since some men are oblivious to when a female is flirting with them. Some women are just addicted to drama and want what they can’t have. Professor Klump suddenly becomes the sexiest man in the world to an insecure woman when it appears that he doesn’t want her. It may not even be that the spiteful broad is even attracted to your man, she just wants to prove that on some level he’s attracted to her.