Abiola Abram’s posted a piece on sexual self-esteem the other day on MommyNoire that made me realize how many poor examples of sexual self-confidence women have bought into. There comes a time in every woman’s life where she becomes comfortable in her sexuality, and even furthermore proud of it. Mine came in my early twenties, but I believe that’s partially because of my work as a sexual educator. When you’re the condom lady and adolescents have asked you about everything from double penetration to “running red lights” there isn’t too much that makes you squirm. I started to see sexuality as a normal part of human development, something that we should be talking about to people of all ages, but in an age-appropriate way. We are born with all of the parts needed to feel sexual pleasure and that’s nothing to be ashamed of as long as we pursue that pleasure in a healthy, respectful and legal way.
When women are sent mixed messages about sex, we begin to base our sexual self-confidence on the expectations of others more than how we feel about ourselves. So often women are made to feel one of two extremes for enjoying or owning their sexuality: We’re whores or someone’s object to be assigned with whatever agenda they see fit. Sexual confidence doesn’t have to be displayed on a billboard (although I am blogging about mine, but I digress) but it’s about being secure in your sexual self without hurting yourself or anyone else and fearing judgment. It’s about you loving yourself sexually, and not waiting for someone else to.
Before we get started, allow me to warn you. It’s going to get a little XXX in this piece. I’m going to be talking about my own sexuality in great detail with the intention of edu-taining. This may intrigue some of you, but it may terrify the rest of you. Some of you may not ever be able to look at me the same after #1, but I’m happy to let my skeletons crip walk out the closet if it saves you all from creating your own.